I want to address two things:

1. I appreciate that you thought of me when you were throwing a party or some sort of social gathering, it's not that I don't like you... I'm just not really into parties. As pathetic as it sounds, I like staying in my room and doing work or watching Asian dramas.

You may think I'm being a party pooper or I'm not living my life, but that's your personal opinion, not mine.

2. If you hadn't noticed before, I do have body image issues. When you say things like, "Oh! I need to lose weight... I'm so fat." I just want to smack you in the face... do you know what you're saying??! Look at you! You look pretty thin to me! I'd love to be your size! I know most girls feel insecure in their own skin, so they make comments such as these... I'm definitely not one to talk, but it would be nice to see more girls who are confident in their body and maybe it would give me some confidence in my own body. 

I weigh myself every week. And, since I've gotten back to school, I have gained 2 pounds, which makes me a little frustrated. I need to cut back on food again. Y'know last year I made excuses to people saying that Oh, I forgot to eat because I've been too busy with school. That's not exactly true. I've just chosen to not eat. I know that if I don't deal with this soon, I'm going to have an eating disorder and I'll probably never be happy with myself. But... I feel like social pressures are getting to me. I really need to lose weight.... 

Fall Semester STARTS!

From my family, my background, my high school... they make it seem so easy to get into college. Yes, it is easy to get into college, but staying in college is not quite as simple.

I know quite a few people who will not be going to their college in the Fall.

That's just a big decision and move. I'm not sure how I'd be able to make that change. I know I'm pretty well grounded on finishing college, but that's only because I know what I want to do. And for many people, that's the tough part. But, sometimes... I feel like I'm the coward... the failure... because I can't get myself to do take that sort of initiative. To me, finishing college is my safety net. I'm too scared to try to go out and do something else right now.

I'm envious of the people who are able to give up their college education or make the lifestyle change and strive for something that might be even better, without killing themselves over regret and hardships...

Bad bad bad...

I'm being such a bad student right now...

There's only 2 weeks left of school (including finals week) and I've been ditching a few classes. I don't know what's wrong with me... is it because I'm dog sitting and it's taking up all my energy that I just don't give a fudge!! Well, I only have to dog sit until Monday night and I'm done! :D 

It's not that I don't like dog sitting but I definitely hate commuting. Gee, now I know why my parents didn't want me to live so far from school. 

 -___-;; Well, now I know! 

This week I'm going to get a lot done and I'm not just going to say I'm going to get a lot done... I'M GOING TO DO IT! So, if you plan on asking me to hang out with you somewhere this weekend (as much as I'd probably love to)... I'm going to have to say NO in advance... unless of

 course, you want to go take photographs then I'd reconsider because I'll probably be going out either Saturday or Sunday to go finish a few rolls of film. =]

See you guys on Monday! ...hopefully with good news!

P.S. My older brother got a puppy with his gf! His name is Audi (yes, like the car) and his nickname is di di (little brother = chinese).  This is him!

Where's my vinegar??

I think I blog too much. But that's a good thing, isn't it? Because I'm getting out my feelings and what not.

College is really killing my health. I'm always sick now. I don't remember getting sick so many times before. Oh! I know! I need to drink vinegar! Ewww, but the vinegar I bought this year is nasty. It's definitely not the type my mom always buys me... so I've been trying to avoid it. I guess I'll have to suck it up and just chug it. Hahah! Hey, I believe in Chinese remedies... if you drink vinegar, you are less likely to get sick. That was so true for me before. I think that's probably the reason! :D

So yeahh, please ignore my last post. I was just PARANOID. But, I'm over it because my parents agreed to let me try out the 2nd speech competition and I'm really excited that they are letting me do it. I just need to start writing that speech up sometime before Friday...><" Not to mention, my first Mandarin speech competition is this Saturday! Micky is picking me up! Yay! :D And I really should be working on that speech right now since my Chinese professor said that I need to practice it in front of the class tomorrow. Ahhh, so nervous! Oh right! Did I tell you I'm practicing singing. I have to pick a song for one of the parts for that 2nd speech competition. I've narrowed down the songs... sorta? 

-Wei Yi by Leehom Wang
-Lao Shu Ai Da Mi by n/a
-Hao Ting by Valen Hsu

My friend, Yan, says that I should sing Wei Yi or Hao Ting, but of course she prefers Wei Yi because she LOVES Leehom like any Chinese girl would. Haha... but she says I can't hit the low notes very well and I struggle a little with the high notes when he sings... "taoo bi... tao bi..." It's right before he sings "Baby ni jiu shi wo de wei yi...." Yeahhh BUMMER! But with practice, maybe I'll be able to pretend to hit the notes in front of the judges... AHH! I HOPE SO!

I actually don't really know why I am even considering doing these Mandarin speech competitions. I'm terribly afraid of public speaking! Like usually, when I'm in class and people are voicing out their opinions, I rarely raise my hand because I can't get myself to speak out my opinion in front of my classmates. Is that just me or what? 

But then, I guess in Chinese class that rarely happens. I feel comfortable talking in that class. I guess, now that I've thought about it... these speech competitions don't have much value, but it's making me feel like I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of becoming fluent in Mandarin. I mean, I know in the past... I had a hard time accepting my Chinese background, but now that I'm older... I feel like I should've paid more attention to Chinese school when I was younger.  Though, there's no point of regretting because maybe it was that time lapse that I needed, in order for me to truly appreciate my heritage. 

The speech contests are just for fun, I'm really not trying to get anything out of it but practicing Mandarin. Though, the 2nd contest is definitely something I want to try to win because I'd love to get a scholarship to study abroad in China and maybe meet my Hunan channel stars. If you didn't know this already, I'm am overly obsessed with that channel. That... is... the... ONLY Chinese channel I watch. Just ask my parents! The speech competitions are more of my way to grasp opportunities that I have... I mean, in the past I have regretted not doing certain things that I could've, well HERE'S MY CHANCE! AND I'M TAKING IT! I CAN DO IT! :D

The Final Stretch

My last final is May 20th. It sucks that BIOL100's final can't be taken the week before. Ugh! Otherwise it would have been perfect! But noooo, the professor must follow the Finals schedule and make it on actual Finals week. All my other finals are on May 14th & 15th. That will be a very hectic 2 days.... I'm really looking forward to that. Not!~

-I made a new lifestyle plan with my roommate. We are going to try to change our bad habits of sleeping late, waking up late, eating unhealthy, not working out, etc! We'll see how it goes by May 1st... if we slim down, then I agreed to go shopping with her. Good incentive, no? ;D
-I deactivated my facebook. My roommate was like, "NOOOOO! You're committing social suicide!! Don't do it!" Whatever, man~ I think my social life will stay intact. It's "deactivated," not deleted! Hahah.
-I don't plan on going on AIM for awhile. Unless, of course, it's the last resort and someone on my buddy list is a person I have to talk to because there's just no other possible way to get a hold of them. THEN, MAYBE... just maybe I will reconsider. But for everyone else, if you want to talk to me... you can call, write a comment on here, or send me an e-mail (love.et.cetera@gmail.com).

Mhm, well that's it for now. Time to get work done. Happy heat waves to everyone! xP

Spring Break Pt.1 & 3/4

I'm not double majoring anymore. I had a long talk with my parents and they're fine with me not majoring in Business (Marketing). What a relief! 

Though it seems like everyone has so much faith in me becoming a great designer, but I feel like I lack that faith in myself. I don't want to be a disappointment to people, but for my own sake, I will try my best!! And sleep less. 

Yesterday night when I got back, I had an amazing time meeting up with Yan and Patrick. We went to watch Horton Hears A Who, which was a GREAT movie! I loved it! So, if you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend it! Yes, and then we went over to Yogurt World and had yummy Pistachio yogurt with mochi! Yummmyyyyyy~~ Heheh... Okay, that's all I have to say. Bye bye!

Class of 2012...

via PostSecret

I was reading an e-mail reminder about how it is recommended to go see a counselor before Early Priority registration for Fall '08 starts. So, it got me thinking about what classes I should sign up for next Fall. I definitely know I need to get into two of the three pre-reqs for my DAI major! And ugh! If it was like last time, then I can only sign up for 7 units --> which means, two 3-unit classes & a 1-unit class. So, I better get into my freak'n DAI classes or I'll be screwed!! Anyhow, being the planner that I am, I calculated how long it would take me to graduate, if I tried my best at graduating within the whole 4-year time period... it's not pretty~

Here it goes:
3 years (6 semesters) = 7 classes per semester & 3 summer classes
3.5 years (7 semesters) = 6 classes per semester & 3 summer classes

7 classes per semester is probably impractical because that would mean I'd be taking at most 21 units per semester... and the maximum units you can take is 19. So! I would have to petition and with the budget cuts, that would be super hard to do! Plus, I probably can't handle all that work. I mean, taking 19 is already plenty! =[

I guess, if all goes well, I'll be graduating in 3.5 years! I really don't want to be a "Super Senior" though... but I guess it will have to come down to that. *Shrugs* Yeah, and that's if I don't study abroad in China or Taiwan... =/

Looking for love?

My Chinese class assignment is to make a... um... well... "love" advertisement for a Chinese newspaper. Yeah~ Haha, she said an advertisement for your friend, but technically I'd say my advertisement is somewhat like me? Well, maybe not because if I had to specify characteristics of a guy I would want to find, it would probably have a longer list of things, but since my Chinese vocabulary isn't up to standards, this will have to suffice...

Plus, he must be like an Asian drama character! ;D

---

I feel so bad for getting mad at my mom for no reason when I was on the phone with her this morning. She's always asking me if I've visited/talked to my brother, losing weight, graduating early (grad school?), HOUSING NEXT YEAR... like, I keep telling her that I can't look for housing until Summer time, but as always she replies with... "Well, you were the one who chose to go to San Francisco..." Ugh! Like THANKS, MOM!~ Yeah, I did choose to go to San Francisco because I'm too reliant on you guys and I can't be sheltered from the world for the rest of my life! 

Every time she mentions something about going out to look for places... it just builds more stress over what I'm going through right now. Maybe all this stress I've been building up is because I'm taking way too many units, not getting enough rest, and being sick! I guess next semester I will try to cool down with that. But, I mean... I am double majoring and if I want to graduate on time, then I need to take a heavier workload. The workload is manageable, I just need to use my time more wisely. After all, it is my decision to double major, like I suppose my parents wouldn't mind me just doing a single major and graduating a year early and then going off to MBA program. But knowing them, they probably would want my major to be Business-related! And, unlike some people I know (no offense to them)... I can't get myself to commit only to my parent's wishes, as much as their opinion means a lot to me. So, to me... I have to double major and I want to! Plus, I feel like if I were to only do one major, then this semester would be a complete waste of my time. I don't know, that's just what I think?

I think I'm just way too hard on myself than I need to be! Ugh! Why do I give myself such high expectations that I know it's barely possible for me to accomplish?!

Second Semester

I feel like now is a good time to write.

Second semester of college has started for me. And I feel like shit. It's probably the work load. Maybe I am taking too many classes, but. I don't know! I keep hearing from people that it's too much work for me, but I can do it! I'm trying to believe in myself. I NEED to believe in myself. I really think I can do it and I dislike having people doubt me. I know I'm not the brightest kid on the block, but I'm working really hard to achieve my double major college life.

I'm such a mess inside. There's so many things that I have yet to sort out. What am I even thinking? I'm not ready for Sophomore status. It's too late now. I've already achieved it. =[ I guess there's no turning back.

The thing about college is you're always meeting new people. Every semester. I use to think that was pretty fun! But now, I'm not so sure. I feel like it's so hard for me to open up now... I just can't seem to find the time to have a social life. Well, I guess I don't need one since all my free time is always spent at the library studying.

Review of my classes:
-Modern Dance: I really like dancing, but not so sure about Modern Dance. I'll give it another few classes to decide whether or not I'm up for it. Though, I'm constantly reminded by my mother to get some exercise. You can see why I might be self-conscious about my body image.
-Business Math: Right now, it seems to be pretty easy. I'm sure it will only get harder... considering it covers Calculus and Statistics stuff. Hearing from people that had my teacher last semester, it's a self-teaching oriented class which means, the professor is probably a lousy teacher. Hopefully, my parents' genes for math will run in me. *crosses fingers*
-Intermediate Chinese: Well, considering that I am jumping two levels (I took First Semester Chinese last semester) and that the pre-reqs for Intermediate Chinese is taking Third Semester Chinese. I'm pretty screwed!! I love my Chinese teacher (I had her last semester), but! I think the way she instructs this course is a lot different. It's definitely more advanced, which is really frightening me because I feel like I'll always have to be looking at a dictionary or asking people what some characters mean. I guess that's the least of my worries, but... pretty much everyone in the class knows EVERYONE because they have been in Chinese classes together for 3 semesters. I'm the new girl. I feel like I'm shying away in my corner, hopefully it gets better. ='[
-Comparative World Literature (English): The professor is somewhat anal about things and on the first day of class and written on his syllabus, he wrote that this class should be a priority over all other classes, which is probably a way for him to scare Sophomores. Well, I need the class. I'm a Freshman. I shouldn't be in the class, but I am because I technically qualify with units, but I'm not sure... I forecast a load of work for this class.
-Photography: My class had this discussion about some things last time and I know one of the students mentioned about "Photoshop Photographers" which I think that is what I'd be labeled. I really don't want to be that, but that's how I got interested in Photography. Plus, I just love messing around with Photoshop! I don't actually know how to use it... However, I hope because of this class I will be able to learn all the techniques in order to be a "real" photographer. The people in this class seem really interesting and somewhat intimidating, like they know everything about taking photographs. Well, I'm not going to try to own up to their knowledge or skill or experience, I'm in the class to learn! Since it's a small class... I'm really hoping that I'll be able to be friends with most of them. From what I've seen so far, I think they're all pretty cool. And there's this one guy who I really want to photograph! Like I have no idea why, but I really want him to be my model for a photoshoot or something! ><" -Communications: The professor is a grad student, which is probably the 2nd time I've had a grad student teach one of my courses (Astronomy Lab last semester). She's definitely not from California, so I'm sure for a Communications class that should bring new insight to us. I'm not much of a public speaker which is one of the reasons I'm scared to death about this class. Though, we have had many group activities already where we get a chance to talk to new people and speak out our opinions. This is a custom I'm not really use to. But I'm sure that's all with time. Another class filled with large writing assignments. And also makes me realize, I need to read more news!!! (which I am now doing at my new library spot! ;D)
-Human Biology: All through my education, science has probably been my worst subject mainly because I'm not into it so therefore, I don't work hard and I don't care. But, I want to change my attitude towards it and maybe get something out of it. The professor is a lecturer. He's kind of boring, but I guess he outlines the book pretty well. I guess I like his idea of using clickers in class for participation and attendance because I'm sure if he didn't do that, I'd probably ditch. -__0 Also, he has pre-lecture quizzes online that you need to take before class. It's not too bad. The only thing is, the class is huge! Around 180 students, maybe? I don't have anyone I know before who is actually in the class so I'm usually trying to find a spot to sit in, in the front. Every class I'm always sitting next to someone new and it's not like we're able to talk. But last class, I was able to make friends with two students sitting next to me. They were really cool and hopefully I'll get a chance to sit next to them next class. =] I guess that's all I can hope for.

Those are all my classes for this semester. I have so many mixed emotions about them. I hope I can survive! And, I'm just wondering if anyone I know is feeling this way too?