I want to address two things:

1. I appreciate that you thought of me when you were throwing a party or some sort of social gathering, it's not that I don't like you... I'm just not really into parties. As pathetic as it sounds, I like staying in my room and doing work or watching Asian dramas.

You may think I'm being a party pooper or I'm not living my life, but that's your personal opinion, not mine.

2. If you hadn't noticed before, I do have body image issues. When you say things like, "Oh! I need to lose weight... I'm so fat." I just want to smack you in the face... do you know what you're saying??! Look at you! You look pretty thin to me! I'd love to be your size! I know most girls feel insecure in their own skin, so they make comments such as these... I'm definitely not one to talk, but it would be nice to see more girls who are confident in their body and maybe it would give me some confidence in my own body. 

I weigh myself every week. And, since I've gotten back to school, I have gained 2 pounds, which makes me a little frustrated. I need to cut back on food again. Y'know last year I made excuses to people saying that Oh, I forgot to eat because I've been too busy with school. That's not exactly true. I've just chosen to not eat. I know that if I don't deal with this soon, I'm going to have an eating disorder and I'll probably never be happy with myself. But... I feel like social pressures are getting to me. I really need to lose weight.... 

我这个人很容易当真的。。。

我這個人很容易當真的。

It's true. I overanalyze as well, so please don't phunk with my heart!! 所以我未來的喜歡人，請你小心說話。我會當你說的話，想得很甜蜜。如果你的想法不跟我一樣，別對我怎麼好！可以嗎？好，謝謝！

我已經跟我自己說，“莫道蘭，別自作多情！” 我知道我不應該想來想去，可是我怎麼得做，還是這樣。對我來說，我也好容易的愛上一個人。Wow, my Chinese writing is so bad, but I'm sure my point got across to people who can actually read what I wrote. 

Anyhow.. MOVING ON! My first week back in San Diego has been really great! I had a chance to play my first game of Scrabble with Hui and her friends, Brian and Sitong (he stole my drink... Taro Milk Tea! So I ended up ordering Thai Tea because I didn't want to copy him... haha). I also slept late and woke up late and since my parents are in China, my mommy didn't come to my room and get mad at me! Yay? Awww... but I miss them a bunch! 

Oh! I also got to play Wii three times, on three different days... basically almost consecutively except not? Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday! :D Mario Party! Mario Cart! Brawl! Wii Bowling! Wooooo~~ I played with Bryan, Matias, Yan, Hui, and Kimmie! :D Awesome!

Then, Saturday night... that was an interesting night! Boomers was closed because of some high school's Grad Nite and I think it might have been CCA? Or maybe not. Jazzy probably knows since she goes there. But I swear I saw CC somewhere when we went over there... so we went bowling! Who went? Ummmmm... Kaitlin, Bryan, Matias, Jason, Andre, Brandon, Michael, Bo(b), Kenneth, Paul... I think that was it. Big group! :D I didn't do so well... but, I realized I'm a lefty for bowling, among other sports that I use my left-hand with. Haha. Maybe my brother was telling the truth when he said that I was actually left-handed when I was younger? Hmmm....

Sunday afternoon = Beach! Very cold! But, I finally got to see my WO MEN SHI WOMEN, Angeline and her boyfriend, Michael aka Buddha! :D Then, "kidnapped" Yan from her house and went to Matias' to play Wii again (of course!) Apparently, I'm not too shabby playing Wii Bowling as James Che! Go lefty's! ;D

Okay, I'm done. If Bryan uploads the photos that I took on his DSLR, then I'll post some of them up on my blog...

P.S. I'm not sure if I should write in simplified or traditional because I can type in both... and I'm now so used to writing in traditional because my Chinese class is taught that way, but I learned simplified when I was younger. So... I recognize both. But the question is, which do you prefer? I guess I'll write in traditional?

A Song For You

I can't really say what I want to say right now, but I guess I'll relate it to a movie or TV scene I recall...

So, there's this rebellious teenager who didn't listen to her mother's words and then, finally... something terribly bad happens to her and she tell her mom, angrily in tears, "See! Are you happy now? I've learned blah blah blah..." The mother of the teenager says, "That's not what I wanted you to learn... I'm sorry." Yeah, that's basically how I feel. Of course, it really doesn't have anything to do with my parents and I'm not crying at all, just a little sad.

I watched Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian yesterday and I fell in love with the ending song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor.

Since I'm so speechless, I'll just leave you with this song... The lyrics are beautiful! =]

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

9-TEEN!

Photo: My friend's 18th birthday last year...

If I could make out with Mike He, then I don't think I'd be singing Landy Wen's "Wish Me Happy Birthday" song. Go watch the MV if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Anyhow, I'm 19!! :DD

Well, to be technical and all, I'm 19 at 2:30pm... but hell! No one really goes by their actual birth time anymore! Today, I received something in the mail from my parents. I've been waiting to open it up at Midnight, and so the clock finally struck 12! It's one of those singing cards! Outside, it says "Smiles you give, Joy you live, Love you bring..." Inside, "Beautiful thing. Happy birthday to a daughter who's so easy to love. Mom & Dad." And then, it started singing "My Girl" by The Temptations! Oh man, I just bawled!!

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY & DADDY!

I need more photos with my parents! In the future, I plan on taking as many photographs as I can with my parents or just of them! I mean, why haven't I? They're just such a big part of my life! And photographs keep memories intact! :D

On a side note, do you know what I spent my last hour of being 18 doing? Something very um, unusual. I did my House chore for the week... cleaning the bathroom! -_____-;; Yeah, so my house mates started making this chores list thing where each person has a certain job, and my chore for the week is to clean the bathroom. So, earlier I had taken a shower and I was thinking... might as well just clean the bathroom so I don't have to do it later! It's freak'n filthy! And so, I cleaned. How sad~

Well, anyway! After classes, I have to deposit the rent money from my house mates so I can write a check for May's rent! My last time having to do that for this school year! After May, I'm out of here!! Woot! Freeeeeeee!! Haha, then my roommate and I are going to Ben & Jerry's and enjoying their free cone day thing! FYI, Ben & Jerry's 30th birthday! I didn't know they opened on my birthday! Yay! You know what that means, FREE ICE CREAM ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVERY SINGLE YEAR! WHAT A LUXURY! Okay, so after that, I have to go home, call my mom up so she can tell me what I need to change on my speech for Saturday's big competition. Then, at 6:45pm... my friends have organized a little get together for my birthday! I'm really excited! They are so sweet! I really had no idea they would actually plan something to help celebrate my birthday! It really makes my day and it doesn't make me feel so sad about not being able to spend my birthday with my family!

Um, and in the near future...
Thursday: Indian food with John & Reto (late birthday celebration)
Friday: Move to John's place to dog sit until May 12th.
Saturday: Mandarin speech competition #2 (where I have to sing "Wei Yi"...*pray for me*)
May 14th-??: Finals!

Le Risque

We didn't go to Oakland for our "photoshoot." In fact, I didn't take any photos... instead, we went to the Mission district and after several thrift and 99cent stores, I found my shirt. Boy Scouts of America official shirt! Wooo!! :D It's a little snug, but I don't plan on buttoning it. I'll just wear a tank top underneath or something. What I really like about it is the decoration on it... all those patches! Eheheh...

Anyhow, not really sure when I'll ever get my chance to go to Oakland, but I guess I can always go visit Kathy if I ever decide to go by myself...

So, I really like the Post Secret France blog and it was just updated. This is my favorite for this week: "I would love to be able to take the risk to be (un)happy."I really don't have much to say right now... I just hope that my parents will let me try to do this other speech competition I want to do, which just happens to be the week after my first one. Of course, this one is an even bigger competition and one of the sponsors for it is the HUNAN channel which is my FAVORITE CHINESE CHANNEL!!! I really want to do it because if I'm one of the top 3 winners, then I will be able to go to the semi-finals and finals and it will be in CHINA! And, better yet... in Hunan province... and since the Hunan channel is sponsoring... MAYBE I WILL GET TO SEE THEM!! :DD Them... as in these guys that I really really like from this show! Su Xing & Wei Chen... Haha... ><" But of course, the timing is just bad if I do win because, it's during the SD Fair and well, I have to help my mom out at her booth. Ugh! But, gosh... if I win, I can get scholarship money for studying in China and I really want it! *Sigh* Please Buddha, convince my parents to let me do it! The application is due this Friday, April 25th!! *crosses fingers*

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." -Buddha

My Chinese professor edited my speech for this Mandarin Speech Competition I have on April 27th. And guess how she made her corrections... on a cassette tape! Ai ya! So, today I got out of Speech class early and went over to the Language Lab to listen to the cassette tape since I don't own a cassette player... anymore. So old school~~ But yeahh... SO MANY CORRECTIONS! I need to practice it like crazy before then! Also, I have to practice my Persuasive speech for Tuesday.

And how can it get worse... my voice died today! That's how! >___<" But I think I know why this is all of a sudden happening to me. Bad karma points, I don't want to go into details about what I did. Let's just say, I lied to someone so that I wouldn't have to do something because I wanted to sleep in. And, of course... here I am, with no voice. I know, bad bad BADDDDDD AMY! I deserve it. Well, at least I got to go see The Forbidden Kingdom (Wednesday night @ Cal) before it comes out tomorrow! =] Yay!? I thought it was really funny, but I think the crowd kinda ruined the movie for me... people kept talking when I wanted to hear what the actors and actresses were saying on screen! Ahhh, but hey... what an interactive crowd Cal is. =]

Note to Self: Do not go on BART late at night, like MIDNIGHT! Yeah, so... when I was waiting for BART, these 3 guys dressed in clown costumes came over. Clowns are scary as hell! I heard them saying that they were going to the same destination as I am... I think they were kinda drunk, so I guess they didn't make the transfer train. Thank you, Buddha!! =]

Well, there's so much work to be done! I mustn't get distracted! And besides, I made plans to go to Oakland for a photoshoot with Jellee and Crystal on Saturday! Stay on track!
---
Wisdom of the Day:
"Is there anything I can do to make myself enlightened?" "As little as you can do to make the sun rise in the morning." "Then of what use are the spiritual exercises you prescribe?" "To make sure you are not asleep when the sun begins to rise."
--Anthony deMello, from One Minute Wisdom
Amy says: I really need to start waking up earlier...

Fun in the Sun!

I'm not sure whether or not I should be proud of myself or really worried that I am wasting money... I went through 3 rolls of 36exp. film today, on my little photo field trip with my friends, Bryan and Xiling! And this little trip to Encinitas beach was so BOSS! :P I'm still so amazed that Bryan actually let me play around with his DSLR! I don't know very many people who would let me do that since their camera is like their "child." Haha and on top of that! He lent me his Tamron 70-300mm Macro lens, to use on my SLR! Woooo! Thank you so so SOOOOO much, Bryan! We will for sure have another photo field trip soon and maybe I can snag my brother's DSLR! :D

I'm still unsure of what my Final Project theme for my Photography class will be. I'll probably end up doing something abstract, graffiti-ish, lots of words in the photo, or night photography. That seems to be what I usually end up taking photographs of anyways. =/ Oh! I was watching one of the Chinese channels we get on the satellite and there was this whole interview segment about this Chinese guy, Chen Hai-Wen who I guess went around China and took street photos. His work, I thought, was really impressive. I guess he made it into a book and I'm sure he probably put it on exhibit as well... he called it "幸福生存 A Happy Existence." I couldn't find too much information on him on the world wide web, but when I go back to China, I'm looking for his book!

Aside from that, I told myself that I was going to be super productive this Spring Break, but I still feel like I have not accomplished all the things I wanted to do! Better get a move on it, Amy! Well, at least I started messing around with that sketchbook of mine! =] No actual sketches yet, but there will be plenty to come soon! Yay! Oh. So, it looks like I'll be taking Summer school still this summer, even though I don't plan on double majoring anymore. Yeah... but it will be for fun. Art classes! :D

Spring Break Pt.1 & 3/4

I'm not double majoring anymore. I had a long talk with my parents and they're fine with me not majoring in Business (Marketing). What a relief! 

Though it seems like everyone has so much faith in me becoming a great designer, but I feel like I lack that faith in myself. I don't want to be a disappointment to people, but for my own sake, I will try my best!! And sleep less. 

Yesterday night when I got back, I had an amazing time meeting up with Yan and Patrick. We went to watch Horton Hears A Who, which was a GREAT movie! I loved it! So, if you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend it! Yes, and then we went over to Yogurt World and had yummy Pistachio yogurt with mochi! Yummmyyyyyy~~ Heheh... Okay, that's all I have to say. Bye bye!

Grace makes the sun shine!

Grace Lee has come and gone. ='[ I'm starting to miss her already... I hope she had a good time while she was here and didn't go bankrupt from all the places we went!
Friday: Clubbing with my SF State buddies! Creepy guys who like to surround you until you can't escape the dance floor... but good thing, we were a big group and pushed them away! Ewww... disgusting pervs! But still, it was fun! And I don't plan on wearing heels again... just sneakers! :D

Saturday: Met up with Kathy Shih (she's so cute!). Ate at Carl's Jr. Went shopping downtown! Spent lots of moo-lah, but then realized my checking account couldn't afford it. =[

Sunday: Haight & Ashbury. Grace got her nose pierced again. Ate Mexican food (ehh... it was okay. It's better where I'm from... sorry!) Watched "The Cutting Edge 3." Made felt mascot dolls! :D

You know something I realized, my friends are all completely different than me, be it personality, appearance, age, experience, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. And you'd think that it would be difficult to have a good bond between them, but I really like it because I'm not stuck with people who are exactly like me. If there were people out there like me, they must be pretty boring on a regular basis. The fact that each friend is unique makes me feel like I am able to learn more while at the same time, being a good friend and developing an open mind for people. I mean, sure there are things that I don't approve of that some of my friends do, but they're still my friends. And, it shouldn't matter if I approve or don't approve because they should have full control of their own life. That's how they want to live their life, let them. You can't change people, they can only change themselves, if they feel that they must. And they should only change if they want to! That being said, I miss my friends. I miss being able to hang out with people on an everyday basis because I'm too busy being my boring self and always having to study study study since I restrict myself from doing anything that lets me feel a little bit of satisfaction. AI YA!

Anyhow, I'm feeling charged and ready to get this week done with a nice finish! Yes, I plan on doing exquisite on my midterms! JIA YOU! :D That way... I can go back to San Diego and enjoy the lovely comfort of my home with a carefree attitude! And let my parents tuck me in bed and kiss my forehead to say good night... and actually be able to see them in the flesh when I say, "I love you, Mama! I love you, Baba! Goodnight!" Yep, I know I'm almost 19, but I still like it when my parents tuck me in bed. Sometimes they think I don't pay attention to what they say, just like the way I think they never listen to my opinion, but! When they said that the time I have right now, before I have to make my own income... before I get married and before I have to look after children, is the most comfortable time of my life... I think they're right!

Who's Coming to Town??

I'm super psyched for Grace Lee's arrival to SF tomorrow! :D
Like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm not going to stress out this weekend. It's going to be a whole weekend of fun with my chick, Grace! The weather forecast says it's going to be rainy/stormy weather, but whatever! It ain't gonna rain on our parade! And plus, I got my awesome color palette umbrella to brighten up my world! ;D

Okay, well I still need to study for my Business Math test and I have to write my speech for my oral midterm so my Chinese professor can make corrections! Oh yeah, and I think I'll be entering this Mandarin Speech competition that is on April 26th, the Saturday before my BIRTHDAY! Whoo-hoo! From what my Chinese prof said, if I win... I can go onto the next competition and if you win that next competition, you win a free ticket to China for the Beijing Summer Olympics. I'm planning on attending anyway, but yeah... it's a longshot for winning because I bet I'd have to compete against native speakers, but hey! It's worth a try! ;D

加油，莫道兰！