23

23. 23? 23 what? 23 = the number of pounds I have lost this school year!

Yeah, pretty significant, right? I lost 23lbs in less than a year! Don't ask me how I did it, I really have no idea!! I just know I still have like 20lbs or so before I feel good about myself? That's really pathetic, isn't it? That I feel like I need to be at a certain weight before I can feel comfortable in my skin. I know there are people who would probably love to be my "size," but unfortunately I'm not one of them. I suppose I conformed into society's ideals of a woman.

But let me ask you... do you know how painful it is to hear salesperson after salesperson tell you that there are no clothes that will fit you... Try somewhere else! (In China) It's really unbearable, but hey! I live... I didn't let it get to my head... my mother was concerned for me at first, but I reassured her that I was doing okay, "Don't worry, Mommy! Next time I go to China, everyone will be fatter! Thanks to McDonald's and KFC! Then I'll fit into the clothes there!"

Well, I'm not up to Chinese sizing standards, but I'm working on it. The main thing isn't losing the weight, it's feeling good in my own skin! That's the big problem... I don't like my appearance. I think I'm usually optimistic about most things, but when it comes to my appearance, I'm a total party-pooper! My friends are always complimenting me about my body... "Oh, I wish I had bigger boobs like you!" or "Man, you have a nice waist..." Haha, thanks for the compliments, guys! But... I still can't see the positives about my body. =[

You know, I wasn't always like this. I was super skinny when I was younger... then I got fat in 5th grade and onwards. =/ I know I can't be like size 0 or anything like that, and it sounds bad to say this, but I want to try to get as close as I can!

Now you wonder why my mother always asks me at least three times a week, "Are you eating right? Are you exercising? Have you lost more weight?" It's probably because every time she sees me (during breaks), I look a little more thinner. It's not her fault; I don't blame her for wanting me to lose weight because she just wants me to be fit and stuff like that. I mean, I exercise, but I feel like my eating habits are way out of whack. Maybe it's the stress from college, but... some days, I forget to eat... I think I have an eating disorder...

A Song For You

I can't really say what I want to say right now, but I guess I'll relate it to a movie or TV scene I recall...

So, there's this rebellious teenager who didn't listen to her mother's words and then, finally... something terribly bad happens to her and she tell her mom, angrily in tears, "See! Are you happy now? I've learned blah blah blah..." The mother of the teenager says, "That's not what I wanted you to learn... I'm sorry." Yeah, that's basically how I feel. Of course, it really doesn't have anything to do with my parents and I'm not crying at all, just a little sad.

I watched Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian yesterday and I fell in love with the ending song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor.

Since I'm so speechless, I'll just leave you with this song... The lyrics are beautiful! =]

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

Bad bad bad...

I'm being such a bad student right now...

There's only 2 weeks left of school (including finals week) and I've been ditching a few classes. I don't know what's wrong with me... is it because I'm dog sitting and it's taking up all my energy that I just don't give a fudge!! Well, I only have to dog sit until Monday night and I'm done! :D 

It's not that I don't like dog sitting but I definitely hate commuting. Gee, now I know why my parents didn't want me to live so far from school. 

 -___-;; Well, now I know! 

This week I'm going to get a lot done and I'm not just going to say I'm going to get a lot done... I'M GOING TO DO IT! So, if you plan on asking me to hang out with you somewhere this weekend (as much as I'd probably love to)... I'm going to have to say NO in advance... unless of

 course, you want to go take photographs then I'd reconsider because I'll probably be going out either Saturday or Sunday to go finish a few rolls of film. =]

See you guys on Monday! ...hopefully with good news!

P.S. My older brother got a puppy with his gf! His name is Audi (yes, like the car) and his nickname is di di (little brother = chinese).  This is him!

Day 1: Poor doggies!

It's only been one night of dog sitting and I already feel like I would be a bad parent because I pretty much feel like I neglected them while I was practicing my speech last night! T___T 

Poor doggies.

On top of that, they have to listen to my horrible singing and yeah, it really sucks! Gosh, I hope I do okay when I perform my song and speech this afternoon! >__<"

9-TEEN!

Photo: My friend's 18th birthday last year...

If I could make out with Mike He, then I don't think I'd be singing Landy Wen's "Wish Me Happy Birthday" song. Go watch the MV if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Anyhow, I'm 19!! :DD

Well, to be technical and all, I'm 19 at 2:30pm... but hell! No one really goes by their actual birth time anymore! Today, I received something in the mail from my parents. I've been waiting to open it up at Midnight, and so the clock finally struck 12! It's one of those singing cards! Outside, it says "Smiles you give, Joy you live, Love you bring..." Inside, "Beautiful thing. Happy birthday to a daughter who's so easy to love. Mom & Dad." And then, it started singing "My Girl" by The Temptations! Oh man, I just bawled!!

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY & DADDY!

I need more photos with my parents! In the future, I plan on taking as many photographs as I can with my parents or just of them! I mean, why haven't I? They're just such a big part of my life! And photographs keep memories intact! :D

On a side note, do you know what I spent my last hour of being 18 doing? Something very um, unusual. I did my House chore for the week... cleaning the bathroom! -_____-;; Yeah, so my house mates started making this chores list thing where each person has a certain job, and my chore for the week is to clean the bathroom. So, earlier I had taken a shower and I was thinking... might as well just clean the bathroom so I don't have to do it later! It's freak'n filthy! And so, I cleaned. How sad~

Well, anyway! After classes, I have to deposit the rent money from my house mates so I can write a check for May's rent! My last time having to do that for this school year! After May, I'm out of here!! Woot! Freeeeeeee!! Haha, then my roommate and I are going to Ben & Jerry's and enjoying their free cone day thing! FYI, Ben & Jerry's 30th birthday! I didn't know they opened on my birthday! Yay! You know what that means, FREE ICE CREAM ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVERY SINGLE YEAR! WHAT A LUXURY! Okay, so after that, I have to go home, call my mom up so she can tell me what I need to change on my speech for Saturday's big competition. Then, at 6:45pm... my friends have organized a little get together for my birthday! I'm really excited! They are so sweet! I really had no idea they would actually plan something to help celebrate my birthday! It really makes my day and it doesn't make me feel so sad about not being able to spend my birthday with my family!

Um, and in the near future...
Thursday: Indian food with John & Reto (late birthday celebration)
Friday: Move to John's place to dog sit until May 12th.
Saturday: Mandarin speech competition #2 (where I have to sing "Wei Yi"...*pray for me*)
May 14th-??: Finals!

JIA YOU!

3rd place! :DD
Not too shabby, I suppose. Hehe!
Oh yeah! And other things that I've achieved today!
-Wearing heels!
-Putting makeup on myself! It looks natural, doesn't it?

Anyhow, not really anything else to do, but finish up my homework and finish writing my other speech so that I can get my professor to edit it and then memorize! Oh yeah and practice singing, but unfortunately, I'm pretty much banned from singing in my house. -____- My roommates don't particularly like my singing... ><" I probably go way off key or something. =/ I'll go to the laundry room and practice! No one really goes there anyway and I won't really be disturbing anyone (I hope!) Oh, and I chose my song! I'm gonna sing "Wei Yi" by Leehom Wang!My Chinese professor who thinks Leehom Wang is hot! :D I love my Chinese professor, Cheng Chih-Yih, she's just so incredibly funny, interesting, and very proud of being Chinese! Yes, very proud! Like, she has the greatest & funniest stories about why China is so AWESOME! And it is! Lol... after she says her stuff.Micky: "Won't I look like a pig?"
Amy: "Fine!" *stuffs bagel into mouth*
Micky: I guess I feel better now. :D

Welcome Ceremony for the 33rd Annual Chinese Speech Contest of California! We're all in the same Chinese class, CHIN 250 aka Intermediate Chinese (From left to right: Me, Micky, Ruby, Jasmine)Rm. 270, where we were judged... *dun dun dun* The guy behind us is the one who got 1st place with his darn cat story! Arggg... but haha, a lot of people had some really amazing speeches! We were in the uh, group where everyone spoke English at home? Which basically means a lot of non-Chinese people. Micky, this one guy, and me were the only Chinese! I'm kinda ashamed of myself... -__- Why did I drop out of Chinese school when I was younger? I could've been fluent by now! Aw well, no regrets! What's important is that I'm ready to learn Chinese now! OH! So, I guess it's kinda a stretch, but the judges' last names were Bai and Wang and when they introduced themselves, I was thinking to myself... "Where's Ma lao shi?" Because 白马王子 (Bai Ma Wang zi) = White Horse Prince! Hahah, do you get it? Okay... I have a weird imagination. -___-;;My trophy! From far away, Micky and I were guessing what it was... Micky thought it was a figure of a person flexing their muscles and I thought it was a Mouse because y'know... it's the Year of the Rat. But nooooo... it's a freak'n lamp. Aladdin style! xD

Where's my vinegar??

I think I blog too much. But that's a good thing, isn't it? Because I'm getting out my feelings and what not.

College is really killing my health. I'm always sick now. I don't remember getting sick so many times before. Oh! I know! I need to drink vinegar! Ewww, but the vinegar I bought this year is nasty. It's definitely not the type my mom always buys me... so I've been trying to avoid it. I guess I'll have to suck it up and just chug it. Hahah! Hey, I believe in Chinese remedies... if you drink vinegar, you are less likely to get sick. That was so true for me before. I think that's probably the reason! :D

So yeahh, please ignore my last post. I was just PARANOID. But, I'm over it because my parents agreed to let me try out the 2nd speech competition and I'm really excited that they are letting me do it. I just need to start writing that speech up sometime before Friday...><" Not to mention, my first Mandarin speech competition is this Saturday! Micky is picking me up! Yay! :D And I really should be working on that speech right now since my Chinese professor said that I need to practice it in front of the class tomorrow. Ahhh, so nervous! Oh right! Did I tell you I'm practicing singing. I have to pick a song for one of the parts for that 2nd speech competition. I've narrowed down the songs... sorta? 

-Wei Yi by Leehom Wang
-Lao Shu Ai Da Mi by n/a
-Hao Ting by Valen Hsu

My friend, Yan, says that I should sing Wei Yi or Hao Ting, but of course she prefers Wei Yi because she LOVES Leehom like any Chinese girl would. Haha... but she says I can't hit the low notes very well and I struggle a little with the high notes when he sings... "taoo bi... tao bi..." It's right before he sings "Baby ni jiu shi wo de wei yi...." Yeahhh BUMMER! But with practice, maybe I'll be able to pretend to hit the notes in front of the judges... AHH! I HOPE SO!

I actually don't really know why I am even considering doing these Mandarin speech competitions. I'm terribly afraid of public speaking! Like usually, when I'm in class and people are voicing out their opinions, I rarely raise my hand because I can't get myself to speak out my opinion in front of my classmates. Is that just me or what? 

But then, I guess in Chinese class that rarely happens. I feel comfortable talking in that class. I guess, now that I've thought about it... these speech competitions don't have much value, but it's making me feel like I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of becoming fluent in Mandarin. I mean, I know in the past... I had a hard time accepting my Chinese background, but now that I'm older... I feel like I should've paid more attention to Chinese school when I was younger.  Though, there's no point of regretting because maybe it was that time lapse that I needed, in order for me to truly appreciate my heritage. 

The speech contests are just for fun, I'm really not trying to get anything out of it but practicing Mandarin. Though, the 2nd contest is definitely something I want to try to win because I'd love to get a scholarship to study abroad in China and maybe meet my Hunan channel stars. If you didn't know this already, I'm am overly obsessed with that channel. That... is... the... ONLY Chinese channel I watch. Just ask my parents! The speech competitions are more of my way to grasp opportunities that I have... I mean, in the past I have regretted not doing certain things that I could've, well HERE'S MY CHANCE! AND I'M TAKING IT! I CAN DO IT! :D

Screw you, Future!

Why am I so future-oriented? It's affecting my present life! And this is totally a bummer because when I focus on the future, I forget about what's going on RIGHT NOW! Maybe all these things are making me feel like I have a big load on my shoulders, but I'm probably just exaggerating on all this crap.

Oh yeah, and why the freak is History of Design not on the Fall 08 Schedule!! I swear it was on there before! I need that bloody class! Plus, on top of that... if I even win that 2nd speech competition on May 3rd or if I don't, I'll be going to summer school. So, either way... I'm not going to be able to FULLY help my mom at the fair. Yes, I do really really dislike working at the fair. I really do, but I can't bare the thought of not being able to work for my college money and making my parents do it for me just because I'm feeling selfish by thinking of the damn future!

You suck, Future. Why do you always overwhelm me with shit I shouldn't be worrying about right now? Future, you better be worth it! Or hell with it! ...things will work out, won't they? Someone, please tell me it will be alright...