23

23. 23? 23 what? 23 = the number of pounds I have lost this school year!

Yeah, pretty significant, right? I lost 23lbs in less than a year! Don't ask me how I did it, I really have no idea!! I just know I still have like 20lbs or so before I feel good about myself? That's really pathetic, isn't it? That I feel like I need to be at a certain weight before I can feel comfortable in my skin. I know there are people who would probably love to be my "size," but unfortunately I'm not one of them. I suppose I conformed into society's ideals of a woman.

But let me ask you... do you know how painful it is to hear salesperson after salesperson tell you that there are no clothes that will fit you... Try somewhere else! (In China) It's really unbearable, but hey! I live... I didn't let it get to my head... my mother was concerned for me at first, but I reassured her that I was doing okay, "Don't worry, Mommy! Next time I go to China, everyone will be fatter! Thanks to McDonald's and KFC! Then I'll fit into the clothes there!"

Well, I'm not up to Chinese sizing standards, but I'm working on it. The main thing isn't losing the weight, it's feeling good in my own skin! That's the big problem... I don't like my appearance. I think I'm usually optimistic about most things, but when it comes to my appearance, I'm a total party-pooper! My friends are always complimenting me about my body... "Oh, I wish I had bigger boobs like you!" or "Man, you have a nice waist..." Haha, thanks for the compliments, guys! But... I still can't see the positives about my body. =[

You know, I wasn't always like this. I was super skinny when I was younger... then I got fat in 5th grade and onwards. =/ I know I can't be like size 0 or anything like that, and it sounds bad to say this, but I want to try to get as close as I can!

Now you wonder why my mother always asks me at least three times a week, "Are you eating right? Are you exercising? Have you lost more weight?" It's probably because every time she sees me (during breaks), I look a little more thinner. It's not her fault; I don't blame her for wanting me to lose weight because she just wants me to be fit and stuff like that. I mean, I exercise, but I feel like my eating habits are way out of whack. Maybe it's the stress from college, but... some days, I forget to eat... I think I have an eating disorder...