ACCIDENT PRONE*

2008-11-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

I miss blogger sometimes, but I'm sorry to say... You've been replaced. And though, I can always look back at the times of my lovely days with blogger, I can't be with you anymore. I think this may be forever.

http://oh-serendipity.tumblr.com

2008-09-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

I want to address two things:

1. I appreciate that you thought of me when you were throwing a party or some sort of social gathering, it's not that I don't like you... I'm just not really into parties. As pathetic as it sounds, I like staying in my room and doing work or watching Asian dramas.

You may think I'm being a party pooper or I'm not living my life, but that's your personal opinion, not mine.

2. If you hadn't noticed before, I do have body image issues. When you say things like, "Oh! I need to lose weight... I'm so fat." I just want to smack you in the face... do you know what you're saying??! Look at you! You look pretty thin to me! I'd love to be your size! I know most girls feel insecure in their own skin, so they make comments such as these... I'm definitely not one to talk, but it would be nice to see more girls who are confident in their body and maybe it would give me some confidence in my own body.

I weigh myself every week. And, since I've gotten back to school, I have gained 2 pounds, which makes me a little frustrated. I need to cut back on food again. Y'know last year I made excuses to people saying that Oh, I forgot to eat because I've been too busy with school. That's not exactly true. I've just chosen to not eat. I know that if I don't deal with this soon, I'm going to have an eating disorder and I'll probably never be happy with myself. But... I feel like social pressures are getting to me. I really need to lose weight....

Fall Semester STARTS!

2008-08-26T16:10:00.000-07:00

From my family, my background, my high school... they make it seem so easy to get into college. Yes, it is easy to get into college, but staying in college is not quite as simple.

I know quite a few people who will not be going to their college in the Fall.

That's just a big decision and move. I'm not sure how I'd be able to make that change. I know I'm pretty well grounded on finishing college, but that's only because I know what I want to do. And for many people, that's the tough part. But, sometimes... I feel like I'm the coward... the failure... because I can't get myself to do take that sort of initiative. To me, finishing college is my safety net. I'm too scared to try to go out and do something else right now.

I'm envious of the people who are able to give up their college education or make the lifestyle change and strive for something that might be even better, without killing themselves over regret and hardships...

2008-07-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

I had a weird dream last night... back to this whole idea about commitment. Something I feel that I lack. I don't plan on going into detail, so yeah. Hmm, though there is this other thing I think I should go into detail about. The fact that I can never really write what I feel on a public blog. Sure, on my private blog... where no one can see it, I can. But this... not really. I'll leave it to this song...

2008-07-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

I know, it's still summer and I'm taking summer school and all, but I want to be back in school! I've never really been fond of summer except when I get to be in China.

I was always one of those kids that hung out at the library every single day during the summer. All the librarians at the public library I go to know me by name. Yeah, it's because I would go there after school too. Hmm, I'd say that I've gone to the library since 7th grade to junior year. Senior year I didn't really go because I had a free period and I could drive. =/

Okay, this is a totally pointless post.

2008-06-29T23:51:00.001-07:00

I've been really lazy writing in here since I got home. I think it's because of the fair, but the fair ends soon. July 6th! YAYYY!!

Okay, no time to make long blog entries, but check out my tumblr.

http://www.oh-serendipity.tumblr.com
^I update that because it's easier to make little comments. Make one if you haven't already, tumble logs are amazing! :D

我这个人很容易当真的。。。

2008-06-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

我這個人很容易當真的。

It's true. I overanalyze as well, so please don't phunk with my heart!! 所以我未來的喜歡人，請你小心說話。我會當你說的話，想得很甜蜜。如果你的想法不跟我一樣，別對我怎麼好！可以嗎？好，謝謝！

我已經跟我自己說，“莫道蘭，別自作多情！” 我知道我不應該想來想去，可是我怎麼得做，還是這樣。對我來說，我也好容易的愛上一個人。Wow, my Chinese writing is so bad, but I'm sure my point got across to people who can actually read what I wrote.

Anyhow.. MOVING ON! My first week back in San Diego has been really great! I had a chance to play my first game of Scrabble with Hui and her friends, Brian and Sitong (he stole my drink... Taro Milk Tea! So I ended up ordering Thai Tea because I didn't want to copy him... haha). I also slept late and woke up late and since my parents are in China, my mommy didn't come to my room and get mad at me! Yay? Awww... but I miss them a bunch!

Oh! I also got to play Wii three times, on three different days... basically almost consecutively except not? Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday! :D Mario Party! Mario Cart! Brawl! Wii Bowling! Wooooo~~ I played with Bryan, Matias, Yan, Hui, and Kimmie! :D Awesome!

Then, Saturday night... that was an interesting night! Boomers was closed because of some high school's Grad Nite and I think it might have been CCA? Or maybe not. Jazzy probably knows since she goes there. But I swear I saw CC somewhere when we went over there... so we went bowling! Who went? Ummmmm... Kaitlin, Bryan, Matias, Jason, Andre, Brandon, Michael, Bo(b), Kenneth, Paul... I think that was it. Big group! :D I didn't do so well... but, I realized I'm a lefty for bowling, among other sports that I use my left-hand with. Haha. Maybe my brother was telling the truth when he said that I was actually left-handed when I was younger? Hmmm....

Sunday afternoon = Beach! Very cold! But, I finally got to see my WO MEN SHI WOMEN, Angeline and her boyfriend, Michael aka Buddha! :D Then, "kidnapped" Yan from her house and went to Matias' to play Wii again (of course!) Apparently, I'm not too shabby playing Wii Bowling as James Che! Go lefty's! ;D

Okay, I'm done. If Bryan uploads the photos that I took on his DSLR, then I'll post some of them up on my blog...

P.S. I'm not sure if I should write in simplified or traditional because I can type in both... and I'm now so used to writing in traditional because my Chinese class is taught that way, but I learned simplified when I was younger. So... I recognize both. But the question is, which do you prefer? I guess I'll write in traditional?

Missing home?

2008-05-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

I miss home.

But the thing is, I technically AM home! It just feels way too different! My parents are in China for business trip and there's this huge dog cage in my hallway, blocking the doorway of my room! I'm puppy-sitting for my brother and his girlfriend. So, right now... this so-called "home" that I am currently residing for is no longer home. I think this sort of thought is mainly because my parents aren't home to welcome me back...

On top of that, my room is a huge mess! And, it's driving me nuts, but I'm feeling so lazy right now that I'm not doing anything about it, but I probably will start cleaning and organizing tomorrow (if I wake up early). I'm an organizing freak!

I signed up for a summer school class. I'm taking Drawing & Composition. So, just basic drawing. I need to improve on my drawing skills and it's one of the things I need to take for a pre-req for something I plan on doing. I don't want to go into detail, but don't worry! You'll find out soon enough... sorry to be all mysterious, I know some people hate that. Yeah, so according to the Assist website, I don't think I can transfer the credits, but then on the community college website it says that it's accepted by UC and CSU schools. Hmmm, well I'm going to take it anyways, but if I don't get credit, I don't think my parents will be too thrilled about that since classes start around the same time as the Fair and I have to help out my mommy, or more like, "I'm in charge this year" so I have to balance making enough money for 08-09 school year and learning how to draw. I hope my drawing skills improve this summer or how else will I achieve my goal of becoming a designer?!!

Okay, well here's a photo of the lovely monster, Audi.

23

2008-05-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

23. 23? 23 what? 23 = the number of pounds I have lost this school year!

Yeah, pretty significant, right? I lost 23lbs in less than a year! Don't ask me how I did it, I really have no idea!! I just know I still have like 20lbs or so before I feel good about myself? That's really pathetic, isn't it? That I feel like I need to be at a certain weight before I can feel comfortable in my skin. I know there are people who would probably love to be my "size," but unfortunately I'm not one of them. I suppose I conformed into society's ideals of a woman.

But let me ask you... do you know how painful it is to hear salesperson after salesperson tell you that there are no clothes that will fit you... Try somewhere else! (In China) It's really unbearable, but hey! I live... I didn't let it get to my head... my mother was concerned for me at first, but I reassured her that I was doing okay, "Don't worry, Mommy! Next time I go to China, everyone will be fatter! Thanks to McDonald's and KFC! Then I'll fit into the clothes there!"

Well, I'm not up to Chinese sizing standards, but I'm working on it. The main thing isn't losing the weight, it's feeling good in my own skin! That's the big problem... I don't like my appearance. I think I'm usually optimistic about most things, but when it comes to my appearance, I'm a total party-pooper! My friends are always complimenting me about my body... "Oh, I wish I had bigger boobs like you!" or "Man, you have a nice waist..." Haha, thanks for the compliments, guys! But... I still can't see the positives about my body. =[

You know, I wasn't always like this. I was super skinny when I was younger... then I got fat in 5th grade and onwards. =/ I know I can't be like size 0 or anything like that, and it sounds bad to say this, but I want to try to get as close as I can!

Now you wonder why my mother always asks me at least three times a week, "Are you eating right? Are you exercising? Have you lost more weight?" It's probably because every time she sees me (during breaks), I look a little more thinner. It's not her fault; I don't blame her for wanting me to lose weight because she just wants me to be fit and stuff like that. I mean, I exercise, but I feel like my eating habits are way out of whack. Maybe it's the stress from college, but... some days, I forget to eat... I think I have an eating disorder...

A Song For You

2008-05-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

I can't really say what I want to say right now, but I guess I'll relate it to a movie or TV scene I recall...

So, there's this rebellious teenager who didn't listen to her mother's words and then, finally... something terribly bad happens to her and she tell her mom, angrily in tears, "See! Are you happy now? I've learned blah blah blah..." The mother of the teenager says, "That's not what I wanted you to learn... I'm sorry." Yeah, that's basically how I feel. Of course, it really doesn't have anything to do with my parents and I'm not crying at all, just a little sad.

I watched Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian yesterday and I fell in love with the ending song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor.

Since I'm so speechless, I'll just leave you with this song... The lyrics are beautiful! =]

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

Bad bad bad...

2008-05-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'm being such a bad student right now...

There's only 2 weeks left of school (including finals week) and I've been ditching a few classes. I don't know what's wrong with me... is it because I'm dog sitting and it's taking up all my energy that I just don't give a fudge!! Well, I only have to dog sit until Monday night and I'm done! :D

It's not that I don't like dog sitting but I definitely hate commuting. Gee, now I know why my parents didn't want me to live so far from school.

-___-;; Well, now I know!

This week I'm going to get a lot done and I'm not just going to say I'm going to get a lot done... I'M GOING TO DO IT! So, if you plan on asking me to hang out with you somewhere this weekend (as much as I'd probably love to)... I'm going to have to say NO in advance... unless of

course, you want to go take photographs then I'd reconsider because I'll probably be going out either Saturday or Sunday to go finish a few rolls of film. =]

See you guys on Monday! ...hopefully with good news!

P.S. My older brother got a puppy with his gf! His name is Audi (yes, like the car) and his nickname is di di (little brother = chinese). This is him!

Day 1: Poor doggies!

2008-05-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's only been one night of dog sitting and I already feel like I would be a bad parent because I pretty much feel like I neglected them while I was practicing my speech last night! T___T

Poor doggies.

On top of that, they have to listen to my horrible singing and yeah, it really sucks! Gosh, I hope I do okay when I perform my song and speech this afternoon! >__<"

9-TEEN!

2008-04-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

Photo: My friend's 18th birthday last year...

If I could make out with Mike He, then I don't think I'd be singing Landy Wen's "Wish Me Happy Birthday" song. Go watch the MV if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Anyhow, I'm 19!! :DD

Well, to be technical and all, I'm 19 at 2:30pm... but hell! No one really goes by their actual birth time anymore! Today, I received something in the mail from my parents. I've been waiting to open it up at Midnight, and so the clock finally struck 12! It's one of those singing cards! Outside, it says "Smiles you give, Joy you live, Love you bring..." Inside, "Beautiful thing. Happy birthday to a daughter who's so easy to love. Mom & Dad." And then, it started singing "My Girl" by The Temptations! Oh man, I just bawled!!

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY & DADDY!

I need more photos with my parents! In the future, I plan on taking as many photographs as I can with my parents or just of them! I mean, why haven't I? They're just such a big part of my life! And photographs keep memories intact! :D

On a side note, do you know what I spent my last hour of being 18 doing? Something very um, unusual. I did my House chore for the week... cleaning the bathroom! -_____-;; Yeah, so my house mates started making this chores list thing where each person has a certain job, and my chore for the week is to clean the bathroom. So, earlier I had taken a shower and I was thinking... might as well just clean the bathroom so I don't have to do it later! It's freak'n filthy! And so, I cleaned. How sad~

Well, anyway! After classes, I have to deposit the rent money from my house mates so I can write a check for May's rent! My last time having to do that for this school year! After May, I'm out of here!! Woot! Freeeeeeee!! Haha, then my roommate and I are going to Ben & Jerry's and enjoying their free cone day thing! FYI, Ben & Jerry's 30th birthday! I didn't know they opened on my birthday! Yay! You know what that means, FREE ICE CREAM ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVERY SINGLE YEAR! WHAT A LUXURY! Okay, so after that, I have to go home, call my mom up so she can tell me what I need to change on my speech for Saturday's big competition. Then, at 6:45pm... my friends have organized a little get together for my birthday! I'm really excited! They are so sweet! I really had no idea they would actually plan something to help celebrate my birthday! It really makes my day and it doesn't make me feel so sad about not being able to spend my birthday with my family!

Um, and in the near future...
Thursday: Indian food with John & Reto (late birthday celebration)
Friday: Move to John's place to dog sit until May 12th.
Saturday: Mandarin speech competition #2 (where I have to sing "Wei Yi"...*pray for me*)
May 14th-??: Finals!

JIA YOU!

2008-04-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

3rd place! :DD
Not too shabby, I suppose. Hehe!
Oh yeah! And other things that I've achieved today!
-Wearing heels!
-Putting makeup on myself! It looks natural, doesn't it?

Anyhow, not really anything else to do, but finish up my homework and finish writing my other speech so that I can get my professor to edit it and then memorize! Oh yeah and practice singing, but unfortunately, I'm pretty much banned from singing in my house. -____- My roommates don't particularly like my singing... ><" I probably go way off key or something. =/ I'll go to the laundry room and practice! No one really goes there anyway and I won't really be disturbing anyone (I hope!) Oh, and I chose my song! I'm gonna sing "Wei Yi" by Leehom Wang!My Chinese professor who thinks Leehom Wang is hot! :D I love my Chinese professor, Cheng Chih-Yih, she's just so incredibly funny, interesting, and very proud of being Chinese! Yes, very proud! Like, she has the greatest & funniest stories about why China is so AWESOME! And it is! Lol... after she says her stuff.Micky: "Won't I look like a pig?"
Amy: "Fine!" *stuffs bagel into mouth*
Micky: I guess I feel better now. :D

Welcome Ceremony for the 33rd Annual Chinese Speech Contest of California! We're all in the same Chinese class, CHIN 250 aka Intermediate Chinese (From left to right: Me, Micky, Ruby, Jasmine)Rm. 270, where we were judged... *dun dun dun* The guy behind us is the one who got 1st place with his darn cat story! Arggg... but haha, a lot of people had some really amazing speeches! We were in the uh, group where everyone spoke English at home? Which basically means a lot of non-Chinese people. Micky, this one guy, and me were the only Chinese! I'm kinda ashamed of myself... -__- Why did I drop out of Chinese school when I was younger? I could've been fluent by now! Aw well, no regrets! What's important is that I'm ready to learn Chinese now! OH! So, I guess it's kinda a stretch, but the judges' last names were Bai and Wang and when they introduced themselves, I was thinking to myself... "Where's Ma lao shi?" Because 白马王子 (Bai Ma Wang zi) = White Horse Prince! Hahah, do you get it? Okay... I have a weird imagination. -___-;;My trophy! From far away, Micky and I were guessing what it was... Micky thought it was a figure of a person flexing their muscles and I thought it was a Mouse because y'know... it's the Year of the Rat. But nooooo... it's a freak'n lamp. Aladdin style! xD

Where's my vinegar??

2008-04-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

I think I blog too much. But that's a good thing, isn't it? Because I'm getting out my feelings and what not.

College is really killing my health. I'm always sick now. I don't remember getting sick so many times before. Oh! I know! I need to drink vinegar! Ewww, but the vinegar I bought this year is nasty. It's definitely not the type my mom always buys me... so I've been trying to avoid it. I guess I'll have to suck it up and just chug it. Hahah! Hey, I believe in Chinese remedies... if you drink vinegar, you are less likely to get sick. That was so true for me before. I think that's probably the reason! :D

So yeahh, please ignore my last post. I was just PARANOID. But, I'm over it because my parents agreed to let me try out the 2nd speech competition and I'm really excited that they are letting me do it. I just need to start writing that speech up sometime before Friday...><" Not to mention, my first Mandarin speech competition is this Saturday! Micky is picking me up! Yay! :D And I really should be working on that speech right now since my Chinese professor said that I need to practice it in front of the class tomorrow. Ahhh, so nervous! Oh right! Did I tell you I'm practicing singing. I have to pick a song for one of the parts for that 2nd speech competition. I've narrowed down the songs... sorta?

-Wei Yi by Leehom Wang
-Lao Shu Ai Da Mi by n/a
-Hao Ting by Valen Hsu

My friend, Yan, says that I should sing Wei Yi or Hao Ting, but of course she prefers Wei Yi because she LOVES Leehom like any Chinese girl would. Haha... but she says I can't hit the low notes very well and I struggle a little with the high notes when he sings... "taoo bi... tao bi..." It's right before he sings "Baby ni jiu shi wo de wei yi...." Yeahhh BUMMER! But with practice, maybe I'll be able to pretend to hit the notes in front of the judges... AHH! I HOPE SO!

I actually don't really know why I am even considering doing these Mandarin speech competitions. I'm terribly afraid of public speaking! Like usually, when I'm in class and people are voicing out their opinions, I rarely raise my hand because I can't get myself to speak out my opinion in front of my classmates. Is that just me or what?

But then, I guess in Chinese class that rarely happens. I feel comfortable talking in that class. I guess, now that I've thought about it... these speech competitions don't have much value, but it's making me feel like I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of becoming fluent in Mandarin. I mean, I know in the past... I had a hard time accepting my Chinese background, but now that I'm older... I feel like I should've paid more attention to Chinese school when I was younger. Though, there's no point of regretting because maybe it was that time lapse that I needed, in order for me to truly appreciate my heritage.

The speech contests are just for fun, I'm really not trying to get anything out of it but practicing Mandarin. Though, the 2nd contest is definitely something I want to try to win because I'd love to get a scholarship to study abroad in China and maybe meet my Hunan channel stars. If you didn't know this already, I'm am overly obsessed with that channel. That... is... the... ONLY Chinese channel I watch. Just ask my parents! The speech competitions are more of my way to grasp opportunities that I have... I mean, in the past I have regretted not doing certain things that I could've, well HERE'S MY CHANCE! AND I'M TAKING IT! I CAN DO IT! :D

Screw you, Future!

2008-04-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Why am I so future-oriented? It's affecting my present life! And this is totally a bummer because when I focus on the future, I forget about what's going on RIGHT NOW! Maybe all these things are making me feel like I have a big load on my shoulders, but I'm probably just exaggerating on all this crap.

Oh yeah, and why the freak is History of Design not on the Fall 08 Schedule!! I swear it was on there before! I need that bloody class! Plus, on top of that... if I even win that 2nd speech competition on May 3rd or if I don't, I'll be going to summer school. So, either way... I'm not going to be able to FULLY help my mom at the fair. Yes, I do really really dislike working at the fair. I really do, but I can't bare the thought of not being able to work for my college money and making my parents do it for me just because I'm feeling selfish by thinking of the damn future!

You suck, Future. Why do you always overwhelm me with shit I shouldn't be worrying about right now? Future, you better be worth it! Or hell with it! ...things will work out, won't they? Someone, please tell me it will be alright...

Le Risque

2008-04-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

We didn't go to Oakland for our "photoshoot." In fact, I didn't take any photos... instead, we went to the Mission district and after several thrift and 99cent stores, I found my shirt. Boy Scouts of America official shirt! Wooo!! :D It's a little snug, but I don't plan on buttoning it. I'll just wear a tank top underneath or something. What I really like about it is the decoration on it... all those patches! Eheheh...

Anyhow, not really sure when I'll ever get my chance to go to Oakland, but I guess I can always go visit Kathy if I ever decide to go by myself...

So, I really like the Post Secret France blog and it was just updated. This is my favorite for this week: "I would love to be able to take the risk to be (un)happy."I really don't have much to say right now... I just hope that my parents will let me try to do this other speech competition I want to do, which just happens to be the week after my first one. Of course, this one is an even bigger competition and one of the sponsors for it is the HUNAN channel which is my FAVORITE CHINESE CHANNEL!!! I really want to do it because if I'm one of the top 3 winners, then I will be able to go to the semi-finals and finals and it will be in CHINA! And, better yet... in Hunan province... and since the Hunan channel is sponsoring... MAYBE I WILL GET TO SEE THEM!! :DD Them... as in these guys that I really really like from this show! Su Xing & Wei Chen... Haha... ><" But of course, the timing is just bad if I do win because, it's during the SD Fair and well, I have to help my mom out at her booth. Ugh! But, gosh... if I win, I can get scholarship money for studying in China and I really want it! *Sigh* Please Buddha, convince my parents to let me do it! The application is due this Friday, April 25th!! *crosses fingers*

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." -Buddha

2008-04-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

My Chinese professor edited my speech for this Mandarin Speech Competition I have on April 27th. And guess how she made her corrections... on a cassette tape! Ai ya! So, today I got out of Speech class early and went over to the Language Lab to listen to the cassette tape since I don't own a cassette player... anymore. So old school~~ But yeahh... SO MANY CORRECTIONS! I need to practice it like crazy before then! Also, I have to practice my Persuasive speech for Tuesday.

And how can it get worse... my voice died today! That's how! >___<" But I think I know why this is all of a sudden happening to me. Bad karma points, I don't want to go into details about what I did. Let's just say, I lied to someone so that I wouldn't have to do something because I wanted to sleep in. And, of course... here I am, with no voice. I know, bad bad BADDDDDD AMY! I deserve it. Well, at least I got to go see The Forbidden Kingdom (Wednesday night @ Cal) before it comes out tomorrow! =] Yay!? I thought it was really funny, but I think the crowd kinda ruined the movie for me... people kept talking when I wanted to hear what the actors and actresses were saying on screen! Ahhh, but hey... what an interactive crowd Cal is. =]

Note to Self: Do not go on BART late at night, like MIDNIGHT! Yeah, so... when I was waiting for BART, these 3 guys dressed in clown costumes came over. Clowns are scary as hell! I heard them saying that they were going to the same destination as I am... I think they were kinda drunk, so I guess they didn't make the transfer train. Thank you, Buddha!! =]

Well, there's so much work to be done! I mustn't get distracted! And besides, I made plans to go to Oakland for a photoshoot with Jellee and Crystal on Saturday! Stay on track!
---
Wisdom of the Day:
"Is there anything I can do to make myself enlightened?" "As little as you can do to make the sun rise in the morning." "Then of what use are the spiritual exercises you prescribe?" "To make sure you are not asleep when the sun begins to rise."
--Anthony deMello, from One Minute Wisdom
Amy says: I really need to start waking up earlier...

Poem by an ABC

2008-04-15T23:11:00.001-07:00

对不起...
Please don't misunderstand.

I think 我喜欢你
But, please give me some time.
我需要时间 to sort out my feelings
For him.
So then, I can know that
我是真心地爱上你.
I don't want you to be his 替代人.
Because that just means,
In my heart,
我没有真正的在乎你.
And I don't want it to be like that.

Je rêve d'être moi mais je ne sais pas qui-est-ce...

2008-04-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

Translation: I dream of being myself but I don't know who that is...

Moi Aussi.

The Final Stretch

2008-04-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

My last final is May 20th. It sucks that BIOL100's final can't be taken the week before. Ugh! Otherwise it would have been perfect! But noooo, the professor must follow the Finals schedule and make it on actual Finals week. All my other finals are on May 14th & 15th. That will be a very hectic 2 days.... I'm really looking forward to that. Not!~

-I made a new lifestyle plan with my roommate. We are going to try to change our bad habits of sleeping late, waking up late, eating unhealthy, not working out, etc! We'll see how it goes by May 1st... if we slim down, then I agreed to go shopping with her. Good incentive, no? ;D
-I deactivated my facebook. My roommate was like, "NOOOOO! You're committing social suicide!! Don't do it!" Whatever, man~ I think my social life will stay intact. It's "deactivated," not deleted! Hahah.
-I don't plan on going on AIM for awhile. Unless, of course, it's the last resort and someone on my buddy list is a person I have to talk to because there's just no other possible way to get a hold of them. THEN, MAYBE... just maybe I will reconsider. But for everyone else, if you want to talk to me... you can call, write a comment on here, or send me an e-mail (love.et.cetera@gmail.com).

Mhm, well that's it for now. Time to get work done. Happy heat waves to everyone! xP

The Forbidden Kingdom 功夫之王

2008-04-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

(The Chinese characters literally translate to "King of Kung Fu")

That's what I'm talking about! ;D
Better respect your teachers or else you gonna get beat!

When I was younger, I use to love watching "The Monkey King." And I know Jet Li is the Monkey King and all, but man was I disappointed a little when I saw the trailers for the movie... I thought Jet Li was actually gonna look like a monkey, like how it is in the cartoon and other versions. Pfft. Well, I don't know but now that I'm older and I feel like the story has some depth to it, I'm kinda interested in reading the actual book. I'll have to get my parents to get me a copy of it! =]

I can't wait to watch a free screening of it at Cal on Wednesday night! Woot! Even though I don't go there, my neighbor is getting me in. So, I guess I'm still paying money, not exactly free. $7.70. But, hey... it's worth it! :D

About what's going on lately，中国,你要加油!不可以让别的国家说你什么什么的坏话.你们要让所有的外国人看到中国很棒！加油！

Becoming a Woman: Before

2008-04-11T23:06:00.000-07:00

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." ~Alvin Toffler

What my Honest Tea "Peach Oh-La-Long" beverage cap said. How very true, indeed.

Not sure where to start but looks like I won't have to be stressing any longer, over next academic year's housing! Thank you, Buddha. :D I'll be living with 4 of my good friends that I met last Fall. Phew! The search is over! Yesterday, I wrote on my xanga (rarely used):

如果你知道的话，那你会不会改变你的主意？
我知道爸妈应该不会让我跟她们来往。
可是怎么办？我已经跟她们说好了。
哎呀！这个答案真的真的很困难。
该说什么才好？？
帮我吧！

Why did I write this? Because I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to live with them since they do things that I don't really approve of, but yeah.... they are still my friends because they are great people and I trust them. 我跟妈妈讲她们喝酒的事，可是没跟她讲别的事。我真的不想跟父母说谎，可是如果不跟朋友住，那我父母会担心我没找到住房。跟她们住，不但比现在的住房便宜，而且也很靠近学校。如果朋友被警察抓到的话，那我就完蛋了！Let's hope they don't since I guess a lot of people do it in college. *crosses fingers* ='[

So remember how I said that I wanted to make myself prettier or well, learn how to dress better... to look more mature and stuff like that. Yeah, well yesterday afternoon I went with my friend, Chelsea to Ross! :D I bought these 1" heels. They're so cute! Plus, I thought it was time I learned how to walk in heels. So, today I went over to visit my brother, John, to celebrate his 29th birthday early (Tues) with him and I decided to wear them and see if my brother noticed because ever since I can remember, John has been trying to get me to wear cute, girly shoes and I always preferred my sneakers.

Did he notice? Yes, he did!! My brother's response = "Omg! You're wearing heels?! Does Mom know that you're wearing heels now? If she did, she'd probably laugh because we have always been trying to convince you to wear some and you always turn us down for your street shoes... Wow! The city has turned you into a woman!"

I guess a minor change in appearance really does have a big effect. I guess I'll be gradually learning how to be a "woman"... as he says. Thanks, San Francisco. No, seriously~ Thanks! :D

2008-04-09T20:45:00.001-07:00

Note to self: That girl from Modern Dance has my purple hair tie. It's my lucky hair tie... *cries* I must get it back from her! She better not have lost it before Monday's class. Or else... something bad might happen! >:[

Oh dear, Publicity...

2008-04-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

---EDIT: 9:30 PM, 4/8/08--
I found this article today about this 55-year-old Chinese American woman who is doing the torch relay in SF tomorrow. I found another article from the same publication, SF Chronicle, that talks about the athlete's point of view. I thought these articles were similar to my thoughts... though, I'm still pretty neutral about the whole issue. I don't really feel like I can side with anyone.
---
I recall my first trip to China... Summer of 2001. The time Beijing was elected as the 2008 Summer Olympics host city. Gosh, China was so happy that summer and they've been so happy since then, even with all the news in the media. I've read somewhere that maybe it's because China's newspapers are somewhat controlling what's being written and that maybe the Chinese population don't really know what's going on with China and the rest of the world... but then again, don't several newspapers have that going on as well? I mean, I can only think of the U.S. but aren't most newspapers owned by even bigger newspapers and then the owner of that big company probably has hell of a wealthy selection of friends... at least I would think. I don't know, I don't feel like researching that, but maybe I might for my persuasive speech. For now, I'm just going to think that and get my point across about how we just shouldn't trust everything we read in the media. I'd much rather go out there and understand it myself, but obviously I kinda fall short of that option... anyways!

I don't understand why the Olympics always brings about so much politics and boycotting. I mean, the Olympics is about uniting the world and allowing these athletes who have trained so hard to participate in the games. Ugh! I know... people are probably pissed off at me for saying that, but I'm going to try to hold back my sensitivity, be a brave soul, and take your criticism because I don't want to apologize for something that I believe. I really don't think the athletes should have to give up their chance to perform and compete against the world's so-called "best" because of stupid politics. Fuck politics. The only fucking war I want to see between nations is athletes striving to do their best in order to win a damn medal! =/

You don't have to agree with me, but I think the Olympics should go on as planned. And even though China is getting itself into a lot of trouble lately, I'm still proud to be Chinese because I think China has potential of becoming a great nation in modern society's eyes and the only morals that have impacted my life are the things I've learned from my ancestry. Besides, I'm just as proud to be American, even if fucking Bush screwed the U.S. over...

Practice Makes Perfect!

2008-04-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today, I was at the library. Well, that's kinda a stupid statement. I'm always at the library... but anyways, this guy sitting near me was sketching away so I looked over and saw that he had DAI (Design & Industry) papers laid out in front of him. I was so excited because that's what I'm getting into! :D

So after that, I've been thinking about doing some more sketching, even though that's pretty much my weakness in art. =[ And it stinks, because it's so important in art for like everything! Drawing really makes me feel like I'm a perfectionist which is really bad in my case because if I mess up like one pencil stroke, I just toss the sketch away~ But, people always say that practice makes perfect. So might as well get practicing!

<-- My dot sketch I made. I can't draw realistically. That's very hard for me, if I draw... it's usually somewhat cartoon looking. But hey, that's a good start, right? Anyhow, the photograph of my sketch is really bad. And as you can see, I got kinda anxious and somewhat destroyed the paper (evident from the creases on the paper). Well, here's to becoming an artist! Cheers!

P.S. My roommate started watching HP 1-5 and has become obsessed. Haha! ;D She even likes to randomly break out/imitate British accents by saying lines from Harry Potter, though usually it never sounds British.

Natural Beauty

2008-03-31T00:46:00.000-07:00

Trying to learn how to put on makeup... what a nightmare! I know, probably every girl knows how to wear makeup except for me. How sad how sad... ='[

I didn't think makeup would make much of a difference. I mean I still feel that some girls wear way too much makeup and it just makes them look worse!! Plus, I'm not one who wants to be dependent on something to make myself pretty. I like natural beauty. But, maybe it can't hurt to try it anyways and it seems like natural beauty usually involves a little makeup as well. So... 我想变漂亮！

Though, spending $30 on a freak'n eyeliner brush... that's kinda ridiculous, don't you think? My friend says the better the brush, the more expensive... $30?!! Oh pleaseeeee~~ I'd rather use the paintbrushes that I have for Art instead! Why is makeup so expensive?? Ahhh!

So, I got back to San Francisco before noon... only to find the town home, that I'm sharing, a complete mess! The destruction of my house made by very own roommate... =[ Well, at least she cleaned the dishes after she finally woke up, around 2pm-ish. 我要写中文因为我的室友会看见我在讲她。她真得很爱睡觉。一天，她大概睡十六个小时。哎呀！妓女。。。真是的。tsktsktsk... 可是跟我别的室友比，我发现我比较喜欢她一点点。怎么办?! 还有两个月就可以搬家了! 那时候,我就好高兴! 加油加油!

Okay, well... I need to get my work done before tomorrow... with or without my flaky friend. Bye bye!

Fun in the Sun!

2008-03-27T00:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure whether or not I should be proud of myself or really worried that I am wasting money... I went through 3 rolls of 36exp. film today, on my little photo field trip with my friends, Bryan and Xiling! And this little trip to Encinitas beach was so BOSS! :P I'm still so amazed that Bryan actually let me play around with his DSLR! I don't know very many people who would let me do that since their camera is like their "child." Haha and on top of that! He lent me his Tamron 70-300mm Macro lens, to use on my SLR! Woooo! Thank you so so SOOOOO much, Bryan! We will for sure have another photo field trip soon and maybe I can snag my brother's DSLR! :D

I'm still unsure of what my Final Project theme for my Photography class will be. I'll probably end up doing something abstract, graffiti-ish, lots of words in the photo, or night photography. That seems to be what I usually end up taking photographs of anyways. =/ Oh! I was watching one of the Chinese channels we get on the satellite and there was this whole interview segment about this Chinese guy, Chen Hai-Wen who I guess went around China and took street photos. His work, I thought, was really impressive. I guess he made it into a book and I'm sure he probably put it on exhibit as well... he called it "幸福生存 A Happy Existence." I couldn't find too much information on him on the world wide web, but when I go back to China, I'm looking for his book!

Aside from that, I told myself that I was going to be super productive this Spring Break, but I still feel like I have not accomplished all the things I wanted to do! Better get a move on it, Amy! Well, at least I started messing around with that sketchbook of mine! =] No actual sketches yet, but there will be plenty to come soon! Yay! Oh. So, it looks like I'll be taking Summer school still this summer, even though I don't plan on double majoring anymore. Yeah... but it will be for fun. Art classes! :D

Spring Break Pt.1 & 3/4

2008-03-24T01:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not double majoring anymore. I had a long talk with my parents and they're fine with me not majoring in Business (Marketing). What a relief!

Though it seems like everyone has so much faith in me becoming a great designer, but I feel like I lack that faith in myself. I don't want to be a disappointment to people, but for my own sake, I will try my best!! And sleep less.

Yesterday night when I got back, I had an amazing time meeting up with Yan and Patrick. We went to watch Horton Hears A Who, which was a GREAT movie! I loved it! So, if you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend it! Yes, and then we went over to Yogurt World and had yummy Pistachio yogurt with mochi! Yummmyyyyyy~~ Heheh... Okay, that's all I have to say. Bye bye!

SPRING BREAK!

2008-03-22T13:24:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be back in San Diego tonight! Yay!

I don't have any must-do plans for my Spring Break, but I do hope that I will be able to spend a lot of time sketching and taking photographs. Gosh, I haven't done sketching in so long... I even bought a new sketchbook six months ago, but I never used it. I think it's that whole mindset I have about ruining stuff that is NEW. Whenever I buy new stuff, I always end up just admiring it and never really USING it until I absolutely have to! So, I want to fill my new sketchbook with my junk! Hahah... right... Anyways, yeah.

I'm at a point where I haven't found anything new to be inspired by. Maybe if I revisit my favorite hot spots in San Diego, I'll be able to find something. Whatever happened to just looking at the clouds roll by and seeing formations of happy faces from the most strangest objects. Okay, well I still enjoy those things, but. It's not the same. It looks like I really am growing up. All thanks to my decision of attending college in San Francisco, away from my little bubble. =] I've really learned a lot from this experience and as if I thought that I was independent before... WELL NOW I REALLY AM! I also realize how much I'm starting to resemble my mother, which is a little scary... but nice at the same time because my mom has some really great traits that I'd like to possess. I'm talking about personality... I don't think I look like my mom yet. Though, she definitely is pretty! =/

Hmm, another thing I'm starting to wonder is whether I still want to study abroad. I really do want to, but I don't know if I should really do it and whether China/Taiwan has the program for my major. I think learning Mandarin this year was a great idea. It has helped me fill up the gaps in my identity crisis and though, I still haven't fully grasped my identity, I feel like if I were to study abroad in China, I'd be able to at least understand my Chinese heritage and maybe my heart will feel more at ease knowing that I can embrace both cultures. My goal is to become fluent in Mandarin and semi-fluent in Cantonese, speaking-wise. We'll see how that goes, but I know that for sure... I'm not going to let my Chinese heritage slip away when I have children? Haha, it's a little too early for me to talk about having kids... heheh. Though, my kids... they are either going to go to Chinese school on the weekends or China in the summer to visit my parents (when they do move over there...)! Yeah, life's unfair, kids. But you'll appreciate it later! --> See! See, I told you I'm like my mother now.

Alright, well! I hope everyone has a great Spring Break! Whether it be catching up on sleep, hitting the slopes, MTV spring break party??, or just chilling at home! Just hope you guys have tons of fun! :D Bye bye for now, San Francisco. Hello, San Diego!

为你写诗

2008-03-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

爱情是一种本事
我在你心里什么位置
为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事...
Song: Poems for you
Artist: Kenji Wu

If I say it three times, then that means... I really mean it!
I'm over you?
I'm over you...
I'm... over... YOU!

But however many times I say it, I will still have feelings for you because I still feel the same way towards you even if you don't accept... and though I'm learning to move on, that doesn't mean that I will erase my "love" for you. Yes, that will always be there.

你要记得我说的话，“我不管别人说你什么，我会在你的身边因为我们永远是好朋友！”　加油！你一定会找到你梦里的女人。如果我是她的话，那我真的很幸福！=]
---
Yes, has Amy been watching one too many Asian dramas? I do think so. Ehehehehh...

Grace makes the sun shine!

2008-03-17T20:35:00.001-07:00

Grace Lee has come and gone. ='[ I'm starting to miss her already... I hope she had a good time while she was here and didn't go bankrupt from all the places we went!
Friday: Clubbing with my SF State buddies! Creepy guys who like to surround you until you can't escape the dance floor... but good thing, we were a big group and pushed them away! Ewww... disgusting pervs! But still, it was fun! And I don't plan on wearing heels again... just sneakers! :D

Saturday: Met up with Kathy Shih (she's so cute!). Ate at Carl's Jr. Went shopping downtown! Spent lots of moo-lah, but then realized my checking account couldn't afford it. =[

Sunday: Haight & Ashbury. Grace got her nose pierced again. Ate Mexican food (ehh... it was okay. It's better where I'm from... sorry!) Watched "The Cutting Edge 3." Made felt mascot dolls! :D

You know something I realized, my friends are all completely different than me, be it personality, appearance, age, experience, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. And you'd think that it would be difficult to have a good bond between them, but I really like it because I'm not stuck with people who are exactly like me. If there were people out there like me, they must be pretty boring on a regular basis. The fact that each friend is unique makes me feel like I am able to learn more while at the same time, being a good friend and developing an open mind for people. I mean, sure there are things that I don't approve of that some of my friends do, but they're still my friends. And, it shouldn't matter if I approve or don't approve because they should have full control of their own life. That's how they want to live their life, let them. You can't change people, they can only change themselves, if they feel that they must. And they should only change if they want to! That being said, I miss my friends. I miss being able to hang out with people on an everyday basis because I'm too busy being my boring self and always having to study study study since I restrict myself from doing anything that lets me feel a little bit of satisfaction. AI YA!

Anyhow, I'm feeling charged and ready to get this week done with a nice finish! Yes, I plan on doing exquisite on my midterms! JIA YOU! :D That way... I can go back to San Diego and enjoy the lovely comfort of my home with a carefree attitude! And let my parents tuck me in bed and kiss my forehead to say good night... and actually be able to see them in the flesh when I say, "I love you, Mama! I love you, Baba! Goodnight!" Yep, I know I'm almost 19, but I still like it when my parents tuck me in bed. Sometimes they think I don't pay attention to what they say, just like the way I think they never listen to my opinion, but! When they said that the time I have right now, before I have to make my own income... before I get married and before I have to look after children, is the most comfortable time of my life... I think they're right!

Who's Coming to Town??

2008-03-13T22:50:00.001-07:00

I'm super psyched for Grace Lee's arrival to SF tomorrow! :D
Like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm not going to stress out this weekend. It's going to be a whole weekend of fun with my chick, Grace! The weather forecast says it's going to be rainy/stormy weather, but whatever! It ain't gonna rain on our parade! And plus, I got my awesome color palette umbrella to brighten up my world! ;D

Okay, well I still need to study for my Business Math test and I have to write my speech for my oral midterm so my Chinese professor can make corrections! Oh yeah, and I think I'll be entering this Mandarin Speech competition that is on April 26th, the Saturday before my BIRTHDAY! Whoo-hoo! From what my Chinese prof said, if I win... I can go onto the next competition and if you win that next competition, you win a free ticket to China for the Beijing Summer Olympics. I'm planning on attending anyway, but yeah... it's a longshot for winning because I bet I'd have to compete against native speakers, but hey! It's worth a try! ;D

加油，莫道兰！

Class of 2012...

2008-03-12T00:07:00.000-07:00

via PostSecret

I was reading an e-mail reminder about how it is recommended to go see a counselor before Early Priority registration for Fall '08 starts. So, it got me thinking about what classes I should sign up for next Fall. I definitely know I need to get into two of the three pre-reqs for my DAI major! And ugh! If it was like last time, then I can only sign up for 7 units --> which means, two 3-unit classes & a 1-unit class. So, I better get into my freak'n DAI classes or I'll be screwed!! Anyhow, being the planner that I am, I calculated how long it would take me to graduate, if I tried my best at graduating within the whole 4-year time period... it's not pretty~

Here it goes:
3 years (6 semesters) = 7 classes per semester & 3 summer classes
3.5 years (7 semesters) = 6 classes per semester & 3 summer classes

7 classes per semester is probably impractical because that would mean I'd be taking at most 21 units per semester... and the maximum units you can take is 19. So! I would have to petition and with the budget cuts, that would be super hard to do! Plus, I probably can't handle all that work. I mean, taking 19 is already plenty! =[

I guess, if all goes well, I'll be graduating in 3.5 years! I really don't want to be a "Super Senior" though... but I guess it will have to come down to that. *Shrugs* Yeah, and that's if I don't study abroad in China or Taiwan... =/

Looking for love?

2008-03-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

My Chinese class assignment is to make a... um... well... "love" advertisement for a Chinese newspaper. Yeah~ Haha, she said an advertisement for your friend, but technically I'd say my advertisement is somewhat like me? Well, maybe not because if I had to specify characteristics of a guy I would want to find, it would probably have a longer list of things, but since my Chinese vocabulary isn't up to standards, this will have to suffice...

Plus, he must be like an Asian drama character! ;D

---

I feel so bad for getting mad at my mom for no reason when I was on the phone with her this morning. She's always asking me if I've visited/talked to my brother, losing weight, graduating early (grad school?), HOUSING NEXT YEAR... like, I keep telling her that I can't look for housing until Summer time, but as always she replies with... "Well, you were the one who chose to go to San Francisco..." Ugh! Like THANKS, MOM!~ Yeah, I did choose to go to San Francisco because I'm too reliant on you guys and I can't be sheltered from the world for the rest of my life!

Every time she mentions something about going out to look for places... it just builds more stress over what I'm going through right now. Maybe all this stress I've been building up is because I'm taking way too many units, not getting enough rest, and being sick! I guess next semester I will try to cool down with that. But, I mean... I am double majoring and if I want to graduate on time, then I need to take a heavier workload. The workload is manageable, I just need to use my time more wisely. After all, it is my decision to double major, like I suppose my parents wouldn't mind me just doing a single major and graduating a year early and then going off to MBA program. But knowing them, they probably would want my major to be Business-related! And, unlike some people I know (no offense to them)... I can't get myself to commit only to my parent's wishes, as much as their opinion means a lot to me. So, to me... I have to double major and I want to! Plus, I feel like if I were to only do one major, then this semester would be a complete waste of my time. I don't know, that's just what I think?

I think I'm just way too hard on myself than I need to be! Ugh! Why do I give myself such high expectations that I know it's barely possible for me to accomplish?!

Currently Listening to: The Stills - Still In Love Song

2008-03-09T01:03:00.001-08:00

There are so many places I have yet to see in San Francisco. I'm wondering whether or not San Franciscans have even seen all these places? Maybe I'll have a chance to see it all in the coming years that I'm here... but do I want to see all of them before I have to part with this city? Or do I want it to be some sort of incentive to keep me coming back? I don't know, I really don't know...

Photo = Something I saw on the Muni M-line train.

Oh, how I miss home so...

2008-03-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

I miss everything about my SD home! I most definitely miss my whole family! But, most of all, I will forever miss seeing my cat, Pochacco, at the doorway waiting for me to return home. That is something that I'll never get to see again at home. And I wish I could, but now the only thing I have now is picturing him in my head at my door and all his favorite spots around the house...

Something I'd like to know is, as time passes by, will I soon forget about all the sorrow I felt when I realized that I'd never see him in front of my eyes again except for in pictures? Because as of right now, I can still feel the same emotions running through me the day he went to "Hawaii" to see my maternal grandparents... ='[

<3!

SHADOW PUPPETS!

2008-03-06T23:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday when I got home, I was really bored... being sick and all~ Plus, no one was home!! So, of course the most logical thing for me to do is make shadow puppets! I am amused easily, what can I say? I'm still pretty amateur at making shadow puppets, but give me a break! I'm working on it! Soon, I'll be pro in no time! ;D

Anyhow, today is definitely way better than yesterday! And thank Buddha this week is coming to an end! Oh joy! The weekend!! Of course, my weekend will probably consist of: writing my World Literature draft, going to this artist reception on Saturday at a gallery a friend works at, finding a new place to take photographs for Photography class (I'm thinking I'll probably venture over to the Marina by myself on Sunday?), and sleeping!! That sounds like a pretty good weekend to me! :D

Oh, and my brother who lives in SF called me earlier tonight and asked if I could house sit for him during like finals week... or the week before? My answer: YES! I'D LOVE TO! Seymour and Victoria are going to have so much fun with Auntie Amy! :D

FYI, my brothers, John and Lon, are 10 and 12 years older than me and none of them have children. Seymour and Vicky are my brother, John's dogs! xD

"Have a happy ______." -Always

2008-03-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'll put it in Chinese because I just learned this new sentence pattern, 這個星期，在辛苦也沒有了! Here's a rough translation: this week couldn't be more laborious!

I don't really want to go into too much details, but I'm just overly stressed out!! I still have a nasty cough and yesterday, I went to the Student Health Center and the doctor told me that I have an ear infection which basically makes me feel like I'm going nuts since there's a constant ringing in my ear! Plus, I can't really hear well through my left ear right now because all the sounds are muffled. It's really bugging me! I can't get myself to concentrate, which is really bad (especially this week) since I had an essay draft for my World Literature class due today and tomorrow I have a Biology research paper due, none of which are completed at this time.

I'm not going to blame karma or anyone else for making me feel like this week has been so bad. But if I have to point a finger, it's on myself and NO ONE ELSE! I'm even ashamed that today when I went to have my conference with my World Literature professor, I told him straight up that I didn't complete my draft, so I didn't think there was anything for us to talk about. Then, he told me to sit down anyways and tell him the reason for why I had not finished. And I guess tears started to fill my eyes when I was explaining to him. Even though, he told me that I could just have a draft ready for Monday to peer edit and that I should get some more sleep, I still feel super ashamed of myself! I can't believe I cried in front of my professor!! Now I feel like I'm such a pity/sob story! I don't want to be pitied, why the fuck did my sensitivity have to kick in?! Ugh...

green green green!

2008-03-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

It's getting to look a lot like Spring here in the Peninsula. It's almost starting to resemble San Diego, but missing some sort of ingredient. People are starting to show off more skin. And on sunny days, people are starting to sit out on the grass reading their books, sun tanning, socializing, etc.

It kinda reminds me of back in high school... where all the "cool" kids hung out in the quad during lunch. I don't know. I guess it's different now, but maybe, I feel like there's some kind of barrier, holding me back from sitting on the grass. I want to sit there too! But here I am, staring out a window from the library, overlooking the quad...

Oh good work! Assumptions are so much faster than actual questions...

2008-03-02T16:22:00.001-08:00

You're just like the sun hidden behind the clouds.

I can still see you, without wincing.

I can still love you, without flares of red.

--Aug 10, '05

To tell you the truth, there's nothing I really would like to say right now. But, when I figure it out, I'll let you know.

Okay?

Thanks.

Highlight of My Weekend:

2008-02-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

-Sitting near the Bush Man on Muni.

-Getting a full refund on the eBay lens (has dust particles in it) I bought

-Getting to keep the eBay lens, because the guy doesn't want it back!

-Madame Bovary reading

-Going to the library?

Second Semester

2008-02-02T16:35:00.000-08:00

I feel like now is a good time to write.

Second semester of college has started for me. And I feel like shit. It's probably the work load. Maybe I am taking too many classes, but. I don't know! I keep hearing from people that it's too much work for me, but I can do it! I'm trying to believe in myself. I NEED to believe in myself. I really think I can do it and I dislike having people doubt me. I know I'm not the brightest kid on the block, but I'm working really hard to achieve my double major college life.

I'm such a mess inside. There's so many things that I have yet to sort out. What am I even thinking? I'm not ready for Sophomore status. It's too late now. I've already achieved it. =[ I guess there's no turning back.

The thing about college is you're always meeting new people. Every semester. I use to think that was pretty fun! But now, I'm not so sure. I feel like it's so hard for me to open up now... I just can't seem to find the time to have a social life. Well, I guess I don't need one since all my free time is always spent at the library studying.

Review of my classes:
-Modern Dance: I really like dancing, but not so sure about Modern Dance. I'll give it another few classes to decide whether or not I'm up for it. Though, I'm constantly reminded by my mother to get some exercise. You can see why I might be self-conscious about my body image.
-Business Math: Right now, it seems to be pretty easy. I'm sure it will only get harder... considering it covers Calculus and Statistics stuff. Hearing from people that had my teacher last semester, it's a self-teaching oriented class which means, the professor is probably a lousy teacher. Hopefully, my parents' genes for math will run in me. *crosses fingers*
-Intermediate Chinese: Well, considering that I am jumping two levels (I took First Semester Chinese last semester) and that the pre-reqs for Intermediate Chinese is taking Third Semester Chinese. I'm pretty screwed!! I love my Chinese teacher (I had her last semester), but! I think the way she instructs this course is a lot different. It's definitely more advanced, which is really frightening me because I feel like I'll always have to be looking at a dictionary or asking people what some characters mean. I guess that's the least of my worries, but... pretty much everyone in the class knows EVERYONE because they have been in Chinese classes together for 3 semesters. I'm the new girl. I feel like I'm shying away in my corner, hopefully it gets better. ='[
-Comparative World Literature (English): The professor is somewhat anal about things and on the first day of class and written on his syllabus, he wrote that this class should be a priority over all other classes, which is probably a way for him to scare Sophomores. Well, I need the class. I'm a Freshman. I shouldn't be in the class, but I am because I technically qualify with units, but I'm not sure... I forecast a load of work for this class.
-Photography: My class had this discussion about some things last time and I know one of the students mentioned about "Photoshop Photographers" which I think that is what I'd be labeled. I really don't want to be that, but that's how I got interested in Photography. Plus, I just love messing around with Photoshop! I don't actually know how to use it... However, I hope because of this class I will be able to learn all the techniques in order to be a "real" photographer. The people in this class seem really interesting and somewhat intimidating, like they know everything about taking photographs. Well, I'm not going to try to own up to their knowledge or skill or experience, I'm in the class to learn! Since it's a small class... I'm really hoping that I'll be able to be friends with most of them. From what I've seen so far, I think they're all pretty cool. And there's this one guy who I really want to photograph! Like I have no idea why, but I really want him to be my model for a photoshoot or something! ><" -Communications: The professor is a grad student, which is probably the 2nd time I've had a grad student teach one of my courses (Astronomy Lab last semester). She's definitely not from California, so I'm sure for a Communications class that should bring new insight to us. I'm not much of a public speaker which is one of the reasons I'm scared to death about this class. Though, we have had many group activities already where we get a chance to talk to new people and speak out our opinions. This is a custom I'm not really use to. But I'm sure that's all with time. Another class filled with large writing assignments. And also makes me realize, I need to read more news!!! (which I am now doing at my new library spot! ;D)
-Human Biology: All through my education, science has probably been my worst subject mainly because I'm not into it so therefore, I don't work hard and I don't care. But, I want to change my attitude towards it and maybe get something out of it. The professor is a lecturer. He's kind of boring, but I guess he outlines the book pretty well. I guess I like his idea of using clickers in class for participation and attendance because I'm sure if he didn't do that, I'd probably ditch. -__0 Also, he has pre-lecture quizzes online that you need to take before class. It's not too bad. The only thing is, the class is huge! Around 180 students, maybe? I don't have anyone I know before who is actually in the class so I'm usually trying to find a spot to sit in, in the front. Every class I'm always sitting next to someone new and it's not like we're able to talk. But last class, I was able to make friends with two students sitting next to me. They were really cool and hopefully I'll get a chance to sit next to them next class. =] I guess that's all I can hope for.

Those are all my classes for this semester. I have so many mixed emotions about them. I hope I can survive! And, I'm just wondering if anyone I know is feeling this way too?

R.I.P.

2007-12-18T18:52:00.000-08:00

I love you, Pochacco.
You will be missed.
4/15/96-12/18/07